I've been there, and it's absolutely nothing to hide or be ashamed of. I think there is still a bit of a taboo about PND, and people feel that if they have it, it might be perceived that they're somehow failing as a parent, or are unhappy with their baby, which is not the case at all!
I used to be a nurse, and when we spoke about patients experiencing pain, we used the definition "Pain is what the patient says it is, and occurs when the patient says it does".
In other words, the patient is always right, and it's not up to anyone else to decide how severe their pain might be. Same goes for depression - nobody else can tell you what's going on with your depression except you!
Often, people will say that they can't understand why they feel depressed, saying things like "But I have nothing to be depressed about".
Just to be clear - depression and unhappiness are completely separate entities. Yes, they often go hand in hand, but depression is far more complex than just feeling sad.
I became depressed when Charlie was a baby, but rather than feeling unhappy, mine manifested in the form of anxiety. I couldn't think straight, and would forget things constantly. I ended up obsessively making lists in an attempt to get my head in a straight line, listing everything from drinking a cup of tea, to having a shower, to changing his nappy!
I would constantly feel like a bad mum, and the slightest thing would upset me. Just someone saying hello to Charlie in a supermarket would send me into a panic, that they thought I was a bad mum because I wasn't talking to him enough! I remember being in floods of tears because some stranger must think they had to say hello to my poor neglected child...I was a mess.
The depression lifted on its own after about a year, and I didn't seek help because I was so ashamed of myself for not coping.
After I had Daisy, it struck again. The old feelings of being a bad mum, the obsessive list making and the constant panic attacks over every little thing. I alienated myself from friends because I was so afraid that they'd think my house was a mess, or that I hadn't dressed Daisy well enough, or that she might cry and they'd think she was an unhappy child. Argh!
Eventually, I did seek help this time, and my Health Visitor and GP were brilliant. I took Sertraline for a year, and it made a whole world of difference. If only I'd realised how common it was and asked for help before, it might have never got so bad.
It's all too easy to assume that everyone else is coping brilliantly and that you're the only one who is struggling. It's by no means a failure to admit that you're not feeling the way that you hoped you would.
I'm almost certain that this time round, it's all going to be great because I have a brilliant support system in place, I've got the experience to know that these little things aren't the end of the world and I'm so much more confident this time. Having said that, I know the signs to spot and I'm more than willing to confront depression if I can feel it lurking in the background.
At the end of the day, honesty is the best policy. Don't be scared that people will think less of you or that you'll seem ungrateful for your lot in life if you admit to feelings of depression. It's just an illness, just a chemical imbalance and absolutely nothing to hide from anybody.
I'm prepared for the possibility this time that it might happen, but I've got my coping strategies in place, which I'll post about at a later date.
If you're suffering from PND, or think you might be, please speak to someone. The help is out there, and with a bit of support, I promise that this too, shall pass xxxx
No comments:
Post a Comment