Little Miss Perfect

I'm a born homemaker. It's the only job I've ever had that I've truly loved, and felt good at.
While some people lust after Louboutin shoes and Prada handbags, I lust after Kitchenaid mixers and AGAs. While some people read Cosmopolitan and Marie Claire, I read Country Living and Good Food. My role models are not movie stars and entrepreneurs, they're TV chefs and crafters.
I've always had this idyllic vision of being not just any housewife, but the best damn housewife EVER.
So much so, that I even once put "Domestic Goddess" down as my occupation on a loan application.
And the bank lent me £10k. They were very irresponsible lenders in those days.

However, I've noticed the following discrepancies between my dream life, and reality...

1) Clothing and sewing

THE DREAM:  All of our clothes are made from scratch. Anything my family wants to wear can be whipped up in seconds, using my trusty sewing machine and any random combination of recycled fabrics.
"Ooooh, I love your unique outfit! So unusual and stunning!"
"Oh, this old thing? I just made it seconds before I came out, using a pair of old curtains from the charity shop!"
"Wow! You're so clever!"
"Oh, now, you're too kind!"

THE REALITY: Sewing is complicated. And HARD. It takes an hour to drag everything out of the cupboard, set it up, and thread the needle, by which time Amelie has woken up. My sewing machine sits in the cupboard, taunting me, alongside a heap of unused sewing books, and several bags of charity shop 'finds', which are hideous, ill fitting and smell of biscuits.

2. Knitting and Crochet

THE DREAM: My house is full of quirky, handmade blankets, cushion covers and tea cosies. My kids play with jaunty knitted teddies and wear beautiful, exquisitely crafted hats, scarves and gloves. Friends and family regularly receive handmade yarn-tastic gifts.

THE REALITY: While some elements of knitting and crochet are fairly easy once you get started, it takes practice. Lots of practice, and patience. Once you've ripped out the same row eight times in a row, and said some very unladylike words, it stops being the fun, relaxing activity you had envisioned. Meh, I've got a couple of quite nice blankets and scarves, but I'm ready to hang up my hooks for a few years now.

3. Furniture

THE DREAM: My furniture is all reclaimed, recycled, upcycled and otherwise rescued, sanded down, painted and reupholstered. Each beautiful piece is one of a kind, and only cost pennies!

THE REALITY: After several years of tripping over unfinished projects, I decided to bin the lot and start again. These days, I barely even have the energy to build a flat pack.

4. Food

THE DREAM:  All of our meals are cooked from scratch, using a vast array of amazing kitchen equipment, and referring to endless amounts of cookbooks for inspiration. My greatest joy in life is meal planning and food shopping, and I'm regularly found wafting around the kitchen, surrounded by bluebirds, and whistling a cheery tune.

THE REALITY: Ok, this one is mostly true. Apart from the bluebirds, they'd poop everywhere and freak me out with their flappy wings.
Oh, and I can't whistle, but I do enjoy a belting showtune or some 80s rock ballads while cooking.

5. Grocery Shopping

THE DREAM: All of our food/toileteries/cleaning products are organic, locally produced, ethically sourced, environmentally friendly and/or foraged from an enchanted forest and/or blessed by vegan unicorns (local ones, of course).

THE REALITY: I shop at Asda. I don't feel good about it. In fact, this is one thing I am willing to work on, starting with a regular bulk meat order from the local butcher, and day trips to local fruit/veg farms, with maybe a monthly order of basic staples from the supermarket.

...and so on. I recently decided that actually, if I was given the choice to sell everything and go and live on a houseboat, I would. This ideal image of the perfect "simple life", where everything is homemade, is a myth.
In an attempt to perpetuate this "simple" ideal, we end up complicating our lives beyond belief.
The truth is, it's hard enough just keeping our heads above water in terms of keeping on top of the laundry pile, the neverending piles of kids' stuff, and coping with baby groups, cheerleading, scouts etc. If I ever get a minute's peace, all I really want to do if flop on the sofa with my husband and have a giggle.
The best times we've ever had have included properly simple things - rock pools, stone circles, sunsets, campfires and scavenger hunts. I don't need to put myself under unnecessary pressure to always be creating, it's okay to admit I'm not perfect.
So...I've donated all those books I'll never read to the library, I've given away all my knitting/crochet stuff and I'm selling my sewing machine.
You know what? It feels GREAT.

PLEASE NOTE: If you create things, and enjoy it, good for you. This is in no way a pop at people who do these activities, and in an ideal world, I'd still love to make everything on Pinterest, but for now, I've taken my foot off the pedal and decided to chill out. If you want to make me something, please do ;) xxx